Worst Field Trip Ever!

17 Feb

Hey guys, new short story! I was going to save this and see if I could find someone to draw it out for me. Try to make it into a comic. You’ll find out why as you read it, but it is a bit absurd – which goes perfectly with comics sometimes. However, I wasn’t able to find anyone and I really just want to get some new stuff out there. If anyone that is reading this wants to give it a shot in drawing it out let me know. Contact me through the contact page! Anyways, this is part 1 of what I think will be a 3 part story (I haven’t quite worked out if it will be 3 or 4 parts). Thanks and I hope you enjoy its absurdness.

The Worst Field Trip Ever!

Note to readers: This is a story that takes place in a world quite similar to ours. The same events have happened, the same people have become successful, and we still do not yet know what exactly is in Spam. However, there is one major difference. Inanimate objects have their own unique abilities – not all but some. You might have an umbrella that twists and turns to make sure that they stop every drop. Or you might get unlucky and end up with one that hates the rain as much as you, and uses you to protect them. Just remember that everything is the same… with a little twist.

­­__________

“Hi. My name is Kevin.” I said to the strangers I had just met. “Earlier today I was on my grade 10 field trip. Where did we go you ask? Good question. The most horrible place on earth: Bwal-Bart.”

The day was just like any regular school day. I got out of bed, had some toaster strudels, a shower, and headed out the door. The thing that was different was that I wasn’t completely dreading school today. School was pretty terrible for me. While I did okay in my classes, I really hated the time that I was wasting on work. All I wanted to do was to be at home and watch some good quality television.

Today was different though. Today was my grade 10 class field trip. Unfortunately it was to Bwal-Bart – a desolate hell hole that I despised with my greatest passion. How could anyone ever think that this place was an, everyday low price, dream come true? Honestly? I think these people must be brainwashed. The thing is people seem to love it there. I still don’t know why we were going to Bwal-Bart, but if it meant getting out of classes I was in – oh and we were also going swimming after to make up for Bwal-Bart.

I headed to class, but I was running a bit late. It took me about 15 minutes to get to school. I always walk by myself. The friends I have live on the other side of the town and we would always meet up just outside of our classroom. Hopefully they would still be there when I arrived at school. As I walked to school I was staring at my permission slip and talking to myself. I tend to talk to myself in order to get my thoughts in order.

“I really can’t stand that Mrs. Megellen. Her French class is terrible and she purposed the idea of Bwal-Bart. How sad must one be to think that is a good idea?” I said to myself and the permission form that I stared at.

“I think they must be 5 times the normal rate of sadness in order to perceive that as a good idea,” the piece of paper pretentiously replied.

“Bah! Stupid paper, I meant that as a rhetorical question.” I said shockingly. It was still difficult sometimes to determine which objects were going to talk back to you.

“Oh sorry mate, I didn’t realize. I can only hear words not tone. My mistake, carry on.” The permission form said cheekily.

`

__________

I arrived at school just in time to hand in my permission form and head out on our field trip. The really strange thing about our school is it happens to be located in the parking lot of a Bwal-Bart. My school was located on the edge of town and when Bwal-Bart decided to come into our town, they said that a donation would be given to the school in order to allow them to build in that location. Now our school resides in the parking lot. The upside – at least we can walk to our field trip.

Since I was late, I had missed my friends, Jenny and Jerome. I decided to wander around the store by myself to see what I could find. I wandered up and down the vacuum isle. I always found it interesting because the vacuums seemed to have the most personality of all the objects. They ranged from enraged psychopaths to French lovers to stuttering comedians. Each one was a unique object.

“I’m going to suffocate you with my face!”

“<Your eyes make the mountains cry with their beauty>”Translated from French

“an..an..and..t..th..t..the..eleph….elephant is.. i..in. the…refrige…refrigerator.”

The vacuums always gave me a chuckle. But suddenly I got a tap on my arm.

“Hey buddy! I didn’t know that you were going to be here.” It was one of my buddies, Cedric. We have the same humour hence, why I found him the vacuum isle. He was a couple years older than me, but still a pretty good friend. He was a Ginger with the typical curly red hair, fair skin and freckles. He was tall and gangly. He suffered from eczema, his hands and arms always were chapped and cracking. He didn’t let it bug him. In fact, he always made sure that either he or I was making fun of that fact.

“Cedric! My man! I am here on the lamest field trip ever! At least there is swimming after this.” I said excitedly.

“Dude, I know exactly how to change that!”

Cedric took me to the rug section of the store. He had told me about how some of the rugs have different abilities to the rest. Most of them want to keep themselves clean. They can manipulate dustpans and brooms in order to keep the dust off of them. However, there are a few that are rebellious. They like to get dirty and have some fun.

“Here it is.” Cedric pointed to a rug, “This one right here. This is the one I have been telling you about. This is the one that will roll you up inside of it without any effort.”

“Bull!” I shouted, “I thought you were joking, and now I just think you are insane. I know how rugs are, they like to keep clean. Why would they want to take in us with all of our dirt that we dispose of in a day? Especially the way you shed.”

“Just let me show you,” stated Cedric.

Cedric grabbed the rug. It kind of looked like the rug from Disney’s Aladdin. It had a similar pattern as the cartoon version and had the same tassels on the end. The difference lay in the colours. It was a dark blue-grey with vibrant silver that weaved in and out on the surface of the rug. He unfolded it, hanging on to it by the lengthwise ends. He gave me a look that enticed me to watch what he was going to do next. Cedric jumped up, keeping the rug as straight as it could be, when Cedric hit the ground the rug kept its shape, but was able to pull Cedric parallel to the ground, bringing Cedric to the same level as the top of the rug. The rug then proceeded to ravel Cedric up inside of itself. Finally, with Cedric rolled up in the middle of the rug, it fell onto the floor.

I was flabbergasted. It was hard trying to find something to say.

“Holy shit! That was awesome!” poured out my mouth. “I have to try that.”

Cedric climbed out of the rug and handed it to me. I was a bit nervous; not knowing exactly was the sensation might feel like. I grabbed the rug on the lengthwise corners to imitate Cedric. My right hand had held the outer corner of the rug. I prepared myself then I jumped. My feet hit the ground I was magically lifted off the ground. My feet went in the same direction as my right hand until my body was resting up against my arm. For a few moments I was hovering parallel above the ground until the rug decided to start spinning. It spun me face first until I was completely ravelled up in the middle of the rug like I was the chewy centre and the rug was the hard candy outer layer. I hit the floor experiencing no pain from the fall.

What a rush! I didn’t know what else to do. I shouted, “Are you kidding me? That was awesome. Never have I felt something like that before. I’m so doing that again.”

“Hey now, you have to take turns. It’s least you could do for the buddy that told you about this.”

Cedric and I continued this for a full 45 minutes. Each taking turns to get rolled up into the rug. Everything was going fine until someone started shouting at us.

“What are you kids doing!” an angry old man with a slight hobble in his right leg yelled.

“Um…” I hesitated.

“We were just playing around,” Cedric said calmly.

“That is all fine and dandy, but you are interfering with other customers shopping experience. Come with me if you want to live. If my boss catches you annoying other customers he is going to whoop your ass,” said the elderly gentleman.

“You mean that it doesn’t matter that we are playing around?” questioned Cedric.

“Not in the slightest. I don’t care what you kids do while you are here as long as you don’t bug the other customers.”

We followed the older gentleman to an open space within the store so we wouldn’t bother anyone else. We each had a couple more turns before I realized that the Bwal-Bart part of our field trip was over and that I had to leave. Time to Swim!

__________

Walking through the parking lot, on my way back to school where we were going to meet up with our class to go to the swimming pool, I ran into my friends Jenny and Jerome. I told them about how crazy the rug was and that we would have to go check it out a different time.

“I wish I would have been with you to experience that,” said Jenny.

“Oh it was great! I totally thought that we were going to get in trouble. But the old man was awesome. He just took us to a better place to play with the rug,” I ecstatically said.

“I wonder if it was the same guy told us not to play with the record player to loud,” said Jerome.

“He gave us head phones and told us that this would make sure that other customers were not disturbed,” Jenny added.

__________

We were almost back at the school when out of nowhere, Douglas, a senior, came barrelling upon us. He was foaming at the mouth and ranting crazy sayings .

“Nothing beats everyday low prices!” and “Why pay more when you can shop at our store!” were the shrieks that were coming out of Douglas’ mouth. This was odd, because the only person that hated Bwal-Bart more than I did was Douglas.

“Hey man, calm down, what’s going o…ahhh,” I started to say before Douglas grabbed me and gave me a giant bear hug.

Douglas was a big guy, almost sasquatch-esque and I being abnormally skinny didn’t help the matter. His grip was tight and painful. I could start to feel my vertebrae beginning to shift. I started to wiggle and squirm to try and break his steel like grasp that he had on me.

“Stop it!” yelled Jenny as she threw a big piece of pavement that she found amongst the cars in the parking lot. With precision, the oblong piece of pavement struck Douglas atop his forehead. The pavement had broken skin and as the force of the rock caused Douglas’ head to whip back blood splattered on my shirt and in Douglas’ eyes. This caused him to rile with pain, breaking the chain link grasp that he had on me. After Douglas dropped me he screamed with pain and anger that would frighten the devil.

The three of us took off towards the school.

“If we can get inside and into a locked classroom we should be safe,” yelled Jerome.

“Head to Mrs. Megellen’s room, she has the best padlock money can buy. Plus she always keeps that little bit of potash on her desk – just in case.” Jenny screamed back as she weaved in and out of the parked cars.

We ran like our lives depended on it because for all we knew they did. We were able to slip into the school, into Mrs. Megellen’s room and lock the door.

“Why is Douglas after us? And why was he spurting out that stuff about Bwal-Bart?” I asked the group.

“I don’t have a clue,” Jerome said confusingly. “It is almost as if he is brainwashed or something.”

“But why is he coming after us?” I replied.

The other two did not have a response.

We sat quietly, not moving a muscle against the door in fear that Douglas might find us. I slowly and carefully removed myself from the door, turned around a peered through the glass window. It was one of those windows with wire in the inside to give it extra strength. At first all I saw was cloudiness and the wire. Once my vision got clearer I saw nothing – just an empty hallway.

WHAM! A hand punched the window. I leapt backward due to the fear and surprise that Douglas had found us and was attempting to get in. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! SMASH! The glass broke. Douglas was almost into the room.

“I’m not going to let that happen to me. I’ll unlock, I’ll unlock,” said the pad lock that kept us from Douglas.

The lock unlocked itself and the door slowly swung open. Douglas stopped for a second to stare us down. We were huddled together shivering due to Douglas’ terror.

“The only way we are going to get out of here is if one of us creates a distraction. You guys get ready to make a break for it.” spoke Jerome half heroically.

You could tell that Jerome was scared, but when Jerome said something, there was no turning back. We knew we couldn’t change his mind. Jerome jumped up on Mrs. Megellen’s desk and grabbed her potash.

“Douglas! Look at me you dirty stinking ape!” Jerome yelled as fiercely he could muster.

“No please don’t. Please don’t throw me at that. It won’t be good for either of us,” Said the piece of potash.

Douglas turned to him and headed toward the desk. As he did Jenny and I headed for the door. Jerome threw the piece of potash at him in hopes that he could have a similar result as Jenny did with the pavement. Douglas was ready. He caught the potash and threw it right back at Jerome with startling precision. Jerome was knocked out cold.

“Ouch! Told you,” said the piece of potash.

This happened so quickly that Jenny and I had not made it out the door. Douglas swung around and tried to grab anything that was in reach. Luckily I ducked at the correct time and he missed me. The problem became when Douglas grabbed a hold of Jenny.

Jenny screamed and shrieked at me, “Keep going. Save yourself so that you can go get help.”

I did not want to go, but I knew that she was right. I kept running through the door and didn’t look back. Both my friends were captured what was I going to do? I slowed up a little and looked over my shoulder to make sure that Douglas was not continuing after me. When I realized that nothing was behind me I kept running down the hallway.

With amazing and shocking speed Douglas jumped out in front of me on my right, where the entrance way was located. There were now only two directions in which I could go. I could take the hallway to my left and just keep running. The problem with that is Douglas would be right behind me and I would be too far to the outside. The best option was to try and go straight towards the old gymnasium. It would be the quickest way to get outside. That way there would be better hiding places and I could get help.

I slid directly at Douglas. I think it baffled him because I went cleanly through his legs. The entrance to the old gym was a double door with a post in the middle. It was like that in order to lock the doors separately. I grabbed the middle poll in order to swing myself around in the direction of the door that would lead me outside. However, as I did that I saw something that I never seen before. Something that I didn’t think even existed. I knew about the inanimate objects that did different things, or spoke. But this was the likes of something that I never thought possible.

As I flung myself around the poll a giant monster appeared. It was in the shape of a Sour Cream container. Of course it had to be sour cream, I hate sour cream.

The giant sour cream container was roughly the size of a mini-van. Even with its size it was proportional to a 226g container that you would find in the grocery store. It had giant pipe cleaners wrapped around its body with another set of pipe cleaners extended from the lid that looked like giant antenna. Attached to the top of the pipe cleaners were giant googly eyes; the kind that you would see on a sock puppet, its eyes rolling around not quite focusing on one thing, but I knew it was staring at me. It wanted to get me. Its lid folded in. It wasn’t quite in half, but pretty close. This looked like a giant mouth. Protruding from its make shift mouth were sets of plastic triangles that had been glued to the rim of lid and top of the bowl half. These were its teeth. Many sharp plastic teeth surrounded this section of the monster. It looked like it was the jaw of a great white shark bearing its teeth. It was terrifying.

There was nothing that I could do. I was a fish out of water with nowhere to go, nowhere to escape. The giant sour cream container opened wide and swallowed me whole.

“And you guys kind of know the rest,” I said to the other 5 people that were trapped inside the giant sour cream container monster. “Needless to say, but… Worst. Field. Trip. Ever! Um… but the question is what do we do next?”

To be continued…

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